Men, where in your life do you typically feel the strongest and manliest? Is it in the work place or outdoors? Maybe it's when you help others or fix things. Is it when you are playing sports, working on a hobby, or engaging in ministry? What about when it comes to your relationship with your wife, fiancée or girlfriend? Men typically don't feel strong in this area. This should be the place where a man can feel like a MAN. God has intended for men to be strong and confident around women, especially their significant others. Oftentimes, however, men don't feel strong or adequate in the presence of women, even their wives. This is one reason why so many men struggle with pornography.
John Eldredge makes the statement, "One reason porn is so addictive is, it makes a man feel like a man without ever requiring a thing of him." Porn empowers men; it will accept a man for who he is. Porn will never reject him, never turn him away, it will never remind him of his mistakes, his failures. Porn will take a man anywhere he wants to go sexually, give him anything he wants. Porn will never say no to him. Robert Jensen writes, "Porn beckons us with a promise. What brings us back, over and over, is the voice in our ears, the soft voice that says, 'it's okay, you really are a man, you really can be a man, and if you come into my world, it will all be there, and it will all be easy.'" Porn is a progressive sin. It starts out small. However, for one to continue to get the same high they have to look for more aggressive images of porn. This in turns leads to other struggles such as phone sex, going to strip clubs, prostitution, affairs. Pornography kills the mind; the human brain was not designed to handle the major dose of chemicals the brain unleashes when one is viewing pornography. Studies have shown there is damage done to the brain and the brain's chemistry is altered when one is exposed to pornography. An addiction to pornography is chemically identical to a heroin addiction.
Thomas Aquinas makes the statement, "Every sinful behavior is rooted in a legitimate God-given appetite." If this is true, men who are acting out sexually are really crying out to God. There are four basic needs every human needs to have met in their lives: Love, Acceptance, Worth/Approval and Security. Jesus is the only one who can fully meet these needs in our lives. Not even a man's wife can fully meet these needs for him. They are God-given needs that only He can fill. Men that are looking towards their wives to fully meet their needs are greatly disappointed. Due to the disappointment men check out on their wives. They shut them out and become angry with them. They give up. Men turn to porn looking to have their basic God given needs meet. Why? They believe two lies from the enemy.
First, they believe God is not good. This is the same lie satan filled Eve with in the garden. In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve everything. They had full reign of the garden. They could have everything except the one thing that would kill them, the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen 2 -3). Satan was able to make Eve believe that God was withholding something from them by not allowing them to partake of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This is the same lie men believe today, God is not good, and He is withholding his good from them. Notice something with Adam in the Garden, Adam wasn't strong enough to stand up to Eve. He became passive and weak with his wife. He bought into the lie as well; Adam believed God was not good. God is good, He is so very good!